100WC

goal: to create emotion

I shouted frantically for somebody to help even though nobody knew I was here. but I kept on shouting. the following day I woke up shivering. It was getting worse. the next day my hands went numb the next I couldn’t move them. the next thing I knew I couldn’t move at all. finally, I came to realize I was slowly dying. the next day I finally opened my eyes my hands were blue and shaking and my body was numb.  the beach was totally deserted with only driftwood to mark graves of fallen soldiers. crimson liquid slowly leaked down my chest from where I was shot in the shoulder there was a piece of driftwood next to me, this was it…

3 thoughts on “100WC

  1. Hey Fin, Nice 100 WC! Just so you know you didn’t use the full prompt as you didn’t put misty in your post.

    I understand, everyone makes mistakes

  2. How about this as an alternate ending:

    “… this was it, everything was getting misty, and I was starting to fade…”

    🙂

  3. Hi Fin,

    I really like how you slowly reveal more information to the reader – it is gripping, and also helps to build up the emotion that is created through your use of adjectives, adverbs, and varied sentence lengths. One thing you could consider next time is double checking that you always use a capital letter to start a sentence. My favourite part of your writing is ‘the crimson liquid slowly leaked’ because it brings alive the sense of time slowed down and the lack of control your narrator had over his injury.

    Thank you for entering the 100WC!

    Best wishes,
    Mel Wells (Team 100)
    Somerset, UK

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